To live is to play roles.
No one who is alive today is not playing any role .
We start playing roles the minute we are born.
The role of a newborn is being a child to her parents. The minute the child’s mother gives birth again, the first child takes up a new and additional role of being a sibling.
In this edition, we are going to consider: Roles Relationship and Family Well-being
Roles Relationship can be defined as the positive and negative connections or associations between people or groups of people and the means by which those connections are demonstrated (NANDA, 2015).
Tanya grew up in a wealthy home where she had maids at her neck and call. Despite the fact that she had maids serving the family, her parents did a good job in instilling wholesome and sustainable values in her.
Hanks was the son of a Carpenter. Although his dad wasn’t so wealthy, he could pass for a comfortable child. Something he’s thankful to God for. His mother had died when he was just two years old leaving him and his father. For some reason, his dad just wouldn’t remarry. So, it’s been him and his father all through till his graduation from college as a architect.
Hanks loved and respected his dad so much that he desired to set up an interior decor company.
Few years after his graduation, he met and later married Tanya. Tanya already had been groomed to serve her husband (and family).
She wasn’t prepared for what she began experiencing in her marriage. One day she was sleeping when she began perceiving the aroma of grilled chicken. She didn’t want to wake up from that dream, a smile was forming on her lips and her mouth was already watering when she heard her husband say it’s not a dream, come have a bite.
In every home, there’s the societal expectation of what roles each family member is expected to play. What we often time are oblivious of us the fact that role playing in homes have a huge impact on the well-being of individuals and their families.
Therefore it is imperative for families to decide what is in the best interest of their home and not just go by what society expects of them.
Lets consider some terms to facilitate deeper understanding of our topic.
1. Role Supplementation
Role Supplementation as an intervention. Role supplementation in very simple terms facilitates role changes.
Role supplementation is also a process of identifying possible gaps within a family. The lack of understanding of roles generally is a major culprit in many family and marital conflicts.
Take for instance, in Africa, many boys aren’t groomed to understand role play. On the other hand, the girl is trained, begged, drilled, harassed and commanded to play multiple roles and play it well.
That is why I bow to those who say being a woman has been ‘jucicy. Not that it’s any juicier for men.
Let me give us a brief on how we ought to take up roles.
A child will not always be a child. She grows into a teenager and then from a teenager she becomes a young adult.
As a single person, you should be accountable to your family of origin.
But the minute a single person says “I Do”. Role is expected to change!
Many Marriages are having issues because a married spouse still acts single whether ignorantly or wickedly. While the partner (often the wife) gets to take up the role of being married.
Once you get married, you have taken up a spousal role.
And when you give birth, you take up a parental role.
And each new role comes with additional responsibility.
It is spine breaking for one spouse to bare the responsibility of two people as a spouse and as a parent.
I usually say one thing: If you desire more involvement from your husband and you are not getting it and it becomes tiring, it is not your fault.
But if your daughters in law get to experience the same thing with your sons, then, it’s your fault.
If you have a son do not let him lounge around while his sister works or while you do all the domestic chores.
In the same vein, the girl should not be trained to lounge or spend the money brought in by only her husband. If as a husband, you are tired of motivating your wife to be different, then begin to train your daughters so that your son in law won’t experience the same thing.
2. Role Transition
We all transit from one role to another. I have explained above. From a child to a teenager, to a single person, to a married, and a parent.
Therefore, understanding the responsibilities that come with each time is key.
That is why when a man gets married, few months the after, he starts to complain of added responsibilities.
It then appears as though his wife and children are a distraction to his progress.
Same way a woman could lose her self esteem because she’s beginning to add weight and change shape as a result of childbearing.
There are responsibilities for every stage in life and for every role we take up.
May I state at this point that there’s need for everyone here to understand the basics of a family system.
If we lack this basic knowledge, we could come down with one or more psychological issues.
I decided to choose this path because of some experiences I had within the walls of a hospital.
I discovered that some patients that were admitted for hypertension and other illnesses where more bothered about how to pay bills, who would take care of the children, and how to get a job and all that.
Just lending a listening ear, got some patients to respond better to the treatment.
Studies have shown that our cells respond or react to out emotions per time.
So, if you are always sad, angry, bearing grudges or hatred towards your spouse, you are feeding your body cells with toxins which are harmful to your health.
In the same vein, if you figure out a way to stay happy, you release healthy hormones that keep you young and glowing.
In summary, both man and woman should make effort to design a template that would be operational in their homes. A template which seeks after the wellbeing of each member of the family.
You can buzz me if you desire to set up a family system that promotes health in your homes.
Until next edition..bye for now, stay in charge.
Julie Mogbo, RN